I’m pretty sure Dr. James Dobson wrote The Strong-Willed Child about me. Well, he could have. I am stubborn, strong-willed, and have a strong sense of justice. For most of my life, I thought my personality was flawed. I thought there was something inherently wrong with me because I could never live up to the unrealistic expectations put on me by myself and others. Add my difficulties with focus/attention into the mix and you have a pretty warped sense of worth. I was involved in church and “got saved” at eight years old, but I didn’t really get or understand what it meant to be a Christ follower. I tried to push my pain to an inaccessible area of my brain and forget it. I overachieved in high school, college, and grad school, trying to live up to my older brother’s example. I got married at 24 and approached my marriage with everything I had. My efforts weren’t good enough. Neither of us had any idea how to be married or love anyone but ourselves. It is really difficult to give what you have never really received. If you don’t know what intimacy looks like, how do you know when you have it? Our marriage began to fall apart.
In the summer of 2009, our marriage was at rock bottom. We separated with plans to get a divorce. My life was completely ruined. I felt like God had stripped me of everything. This was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was the most painful, but the best. Before my marriage and life fell apart, I gave God bits and pieces of my life, but not all of it. I had so many idols…food (this is a BIG one for me), shopping, better house, better car, more of anything that could fill the void and numb the pain. My own attempts at happiness were not working out so well. I went to the bookstore to get some books on what to do when your life falls apart. As I was sitting in my car looking through one of them, trying to decide if I should divorce my husband, I realized I had two choices. Follow God or keep up my feeble attempts at straightening my life out. I chose the former. I chose to let God use my rebel personality for His cause. My husband and I are still married. God has restored our marriage and our lives. As always, we are still a work in progress. I have learned to stop trying to control other people, including my husband. It never, ever works. I’m not sure what we ever did to deserve it, but every Thursday night we get to lead one of several small groups for married couples at our church. I hope you are blessed by my story and would love to hear yours.
I am in the process of shifting the primary focus of my writing to marriage topics. I am passionate about sharing our story of hope with others.
And now, on a lighter note…
- I love to go surfing (we live nowhere near the ocean, so not a daily activity, but I wish it was).
- I have a phobia of fiction books and mostly read non-ficition (I’m working on becoming friendlier with fiction).
- I love to be outdoors in nature.
- I do not give up easily or without a fight.
- My favorite (all time) movie is Back to the Future
- I can’t imagine a world without dark chocolate.
- I have a heart for children with autism, children with ADHD, the homeless, and people who wear crocs (just kidding about the crocs).
My first devotional ebook Losing It will be available on Amazon soon. Proceeds will be donated to one of my favorite charities, Compassion International.
Connect with me via Twitter: @meltitus
*Disclaimer: This is my personal blog. My opinions do not represent those of my employer. The information I provide is on an as-is basis. I make no representations as to the accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information on this blog and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its use.