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John Walker (Creative Commons)

Last Wednesday my husband shared his perspective on spiritual leadership. This week it’s my turn.

“Baby, shouldn’t you pray for us?”

“I think we should do a bible study before bed. Why don’t we?”

“Why don’t we ever read the bible together?”

“I saw these at Barnes and Noble (handing him a stack of devotionals for married couples). I put them on your nightstand…just in case.”

Poking, prodding, nagging, and subtle hints to help your husband “get it together” and become the spiritual leader he is meant to be will not work.


1. It demonstrates disrespect.

2. You have no control over the behavior of other people, including your husband.

So how do you get your husband to step up minus the manipulation?

1. Stop trying.

2. Focus on your relationship with Christ. When your time comes to meet him face to face, you won’t be taking your marriage with you.

3. Find ways to appreciate the things he does instead of dwelling on everything he doesn’t do.

4. Ask him how you can support him…with his goals, dreams, health, any area you know he needs support and encouragement in.

5. Don’t be a hypocrite. Are you spending time with God each day? Are you reading and memorizing scripture? Do not expect from him what you will not do yourself. It took me a long time to learn what spiritual leadership really means…I think I’m still learning. It does not mean your husband will develop your relationship with Christ for you.

Question: Have you tried to manipulate your husband into leading? What do you do to support your husband’s spiritual leadership?