You may not follow musicals or have any idea who James Corden is, but chances are you have heard about his Tony Award acceptance speech. Apparently, he’s not well known for great speeches or his candor with audiences. Let’s forget about the guy for a moment and look at what he said. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever heard that applies to marriage (although marriage was not his topic).

At the end of his speech, James thanks his girlfriend and says, “…She made me say “us” instead of “I” and “we” instead of “me”, and I love her.” When we are single, for the most part, it’s all about “me”. What can this person offer me? What qualities does this person have to compliment me? What do I want to do? What are my dreams? Marriage changes everything.

James has the right idea when he says it’s about “we”, but I think he should have gone a step further. Post wedding day, it’s about them. If we never get over our “me” to become other focused, our marriage will suffer and probably won’t last. How do you lose the selfishness and become other focused? It starts with pride. We have to lay our pride at the cross and ask God to remove the selfishness so that we can have the healthy marriage God intends. None of us has a perfect marriage and saying you have a “good” marriage can mean so many things. As my husband likes to say, “Our marriages are on a continuum somewhere between good and dysfunctional. Healthy is when you continuously move towards growth and change.” Let’s aim for healthy. We need to ask God to help us love our spouse. We can’t do it alone. When we come to Christ with humility and a broken spirit, we are ready to become other focused. If we hold onto our pride and selfishness, we miss out on the opportunity to have a hot, holy, and healthy marriage.