From the time I was about 10, I have watched SNL. My brother and I used to gather in his room or the living room to watch every Saturday night. We would turn the volume as low as we could while still able to hear the hilarity of Mike Myers, Chris Farley, and Adam Sandler. Our parents were in bed and we were supposed to be, too.  We couldn’t help ourselves. Sometimes we would laugh until we cried. Sometimes we would invent our own sketches. We spent hours annoying our parents with lines from the show the next day.

On one of our first dates, my husband and I spent hours watching old SNL episodes. As we continued to date, he discovered one of my many quirks. I love to come up with new sketch ideas and to critique the current episodes. The current SNL cast just can’t compare with the cast of the mid to late 90s. The writing was much better back then, too. Who really thinks Gilly is funny? Seriously? Thumbs down. At some point, we began to joke that I should write letters to producer Lorne Michaels to express my disgust at sketches I don’t like. My husband also thought it would be a good idea to pitch some better ideas if I am going to critique the show. Whenever I get a random idea or see a sketch I can’t stand, I’ll say “Dear Lorne Michaels…” and continue with my suggestions, ending with “Thanks for always reading, Melissa” or “Love, Melissa.”

Well, it’s time to actually write these letters. Here are a few of my finest. Enjoy, Lorne and thanks if you ever read these.

Dear Lorne Michaels,

Walgreens gift advisor. Think about it. K Wiig walks into her local drugstore and there’s Rachel Dratch (guest starring) ready to provide her with gift suggestions for her grandmother, such as a nice feminine wash or the new shake weight. Just think about it.

Love,

Melissa

Dear Lorne Michaels,

I’m just going to get real with you. Gilly is not funny. Why? Why? Whhhhyyyyy?  Please let the cast members write more. Are you writing Gilly? Who is responsible for this mess? Please let me help them. I have many great ideas for K Wiig that don’t involve her career tanking.

Thanks for Listening,

Melissa

Ever actually written a letter to a celebrity?

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